“YOU’RE TOO INTENSE.”
“This is too much work.”
“I just want to be in a relationship that is light, easy and fun.”
Have you ever said this or had it said to you?
Hannah and I have heard these exact words many times from others in the past.
When I was younger, I said it to a few of my partners.
But, were they too intense?
Are Hannah and I really too intense?
We have simply desired something deeper from our relationships than our partners could provide.
Something deep and meaningful.
When I was younger, my partners wanted something from me that I could not provide.
I now call it PRESENCE.
The ability to stay fully present in challenging situations.
The ability to sit in the heat of relational intensity.
And I have not always been able to do that.
But guess what?
The ability to attract and maintain a mature conscious relationship – the kind of relationship many people really desire – is directly related to our ability to be present with intensity.
The intensity of important conversations.
The intensity of establishing boundaries aligned with our values.
The intensity of having our blind spots revealed in our partner’s reflection.
The intensity of holding space for another’s pain.
The intensity of emotional vulnerability.
The intensity of uncertainty.
THE INTENSITY OF OUR OWN EMOTIONS.
Show me how skillful and diligent you are at holding space for the full range of your internal reality, without denial, repression, or bypassing, and I will show you how ready you are to experience a relationship based on a healthy dynamic.
If you haven’t learned how to be skillfully present to your own experience, you won’t be able to be there for another’s.
If you can’t be present to the intensity of another’s experience, you’ll struggle to maintain a connection.
But, when you HAVE cultivated this type of presence, a huge portion of what used to make relationships difficult is wiped away.
Conflicts that would have threatened your relationships in the past are no longer as threatening, if they even happen at all.
Hannah is not too intense.
Her intensity is perfect for partnership.
I am not too intense.
My intensity is perfect for partnership.
We are not too intense, because we have room for our own inner realities, and so we have room for each other.
Are you ready to get a little bigger on the inside?
I can help with that.
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101 Golden Phrases
For Conversations that Empower, Connect, & Heal