 The best dating advice is actually not advice at all, but training in personal development.
Years before I dedicated my coaching business to dating and relationships, I had spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours learning from leaders in the dating and relationship field. Most of what I learned either didn’t align with my values, or it didn’t have a lasting effect on the results I was getting. I might have kept and integrated about 10-20% of what I learned. What has actually made a deep and sustainable difference is my dedication to my healing and growth as an individual. I’ve come to the conclusion that: All true healing, growth, and successful manifestation is rooted in dynamic Self-connection. ESPECIALLY RELATIONSHIPS. And for me and my clients it can be broken down to our relationship with our selves on 3 levels: Our relationship with our mind/thoughts Our relationship with our body/emotions Our relationship with our soul/values If we try to rely on common dating and relationship advice, we tend to get caught up in theoretical constructs about the nature of men and women, and we struggle to make meaningful and sustainable connections. Men are this way, women are that way, so you should act like ______. But, for the most part, that approach will be of little use without FIRST understanding and developing our inner world. Without seriously committing to the inner path of personal growth, our efforts to connect are usually thwarted by: Poor self-image Low self-worth Internal conflict Insecurity Fragility Anxiety Depression Excessive Moods Emotional unavailability Low tolerance for intensity And we end up sending out a weak or mixed signal to potential partners. Or, if we’re fortunate enough to meet someone special, we struggle to STAY connected. Because, our interpersonal connections are a reflection of our connection to our self. All true healing, growth, and successful manifestation is rooted in dynamic Self-connection. Especially in dating and relationships. But, the good news is clear! IF you’re willing to honor a deep commitment to your inner development, you can make major shifts in the results you’ve been getting in your love life. We all have lingering opportunities for deeper self-connection. If you’re courageous enough to take responsibility for yours, to face them with love and compassion and the willingness to let go of what is no longer serving you, you can change your love life. I’m here for you, when you’re ready to form a deep and sustainable, healthy relationship with your mind, your body, and your soul. I’m here for you, when you’re ready to move into the next stage of your evolution, and the next level of connecting and relating with potential partners. I’m here for you, when you’re ready to take creative ownership of your relational experience. All true healing, growth, and successful manifestation is rooted in dynamic Self-connection. Let’s talk  Conscious relationships (deep, sustainable, evolutionary loves) are not as much creatively manifested, as they are deliberately earned.
I’ve seen this repeatedly in my coaching experience, and in my own life as well. There was a time when the quality of my relationships distinctly leveled up from what I would call mature relationships, to what I now call conscious relationships. And it wasn’t any of the typical actions or steps that most coaches suggest that took me over that threshold. It was something much deeper, and more thorough. Just like the process I take my clients through. We might read a bunch of books on dating and relationships. We might take some time to cultivate healthy habits, involvement with community, and a meaningful sense of purpose. We might decide that we’re calling in the next great love of our life. We might focus on maintaining positivity to attract a potential romance. We might even meditate and pray to co-create the magic of new love. All of those steps can be important. But, they aren’t nearly adequate for the change that most of my clients desire. Unless we take full responsibility for our role as the Master Gardener of our Unconscious, Conscious, and Interpersonal Self, we’ll continually become blocked by our own limitations. It’s rare for anyone to provide useful guidance in all 3 of these areas. Unconscious. Conscious. Interpersonal. And yet, these are the 3 core areas that determine our ability to attract and maintain a satisfying conscious relationship! And we all have important opportunities for development in each one. For example: Unconscious Self: Are you free (enough) from the negative beliefs and generalizations caused by past experiences to date with confidence and function well in deep connection? Conscious Self: Do you have an empowered and healthy relationship with your thoughts and emotions, your body, and your values, that allows you to feel worthy, strong, and stable in relationships? Interpersonal: Do you have a diverse and powerful skill set that allows you to recognize true compatibility and form deep and meaningful connections with people who can meet you in your vulnerability? After 23 years of learning in committed relationships… … and 10 years of professional experience helping people make important changes in their lives… …it has become abundantly clear that each of these areas must be included in a solid strategy to become ready for conscious love. These are the areas I address to help people get ready: Unconscious: I can help you release the attachment to feeling rejected, neglected, controlled, or deprived, and update your inner map of relational reality… …to guide you toward healthy love. Conscious: I can help you deepen your connection with your Core Self and harmonize your inner landscape… …to become more attractive and magnetize a partner based on soul-resonance. Interpersonal: I can help you discover your mental, emotional, and energetic relationship styles, identify a compatible partner, and cultivate skillful vulnerability… …to create a sustainable conscious connection. Hannah and I have both had to do a lot of work in each of these areas. And the work continues! But without our investment in these 3 areas of our development, we would not have been ready for each other when we met. What about you? Do you desire to level up into a conscious relationship? Are you willing to put in the effort to strategically earn it? What are your weakest links within the unconscious, conscious, and interpersonal areas of your growth? The path may not be quite as simple as some would have you believe… …but it IS clear. Apply for a Chemistry Session  “YOU’RE TOO INTENSE.”
“This is too much work.” “I just want to be in a relationship that is light, easy and fun.” Have you ever said this or had it said to you? Hannah and I have heard these exact words many times from others in the past. When I was younger, I said it to a few of my partners. Yup. But, were they too intense? No. Are Hannah and I really too intense? No. We have simply desired something deeper from our relationships than our partners could provide. Something deep and meaningful. When I was younger, my partners wanted something from me that I could not provide. I now call it PRESENCE. The ability to stay fully present in challenging situations. The ability to sit in the heat of relational intensity. And I have not always been able to do that. But guess what? The ability to attract and maintain a mature conscious relationship – the kind of relationship many people really desire – is directly related to our ability to be present with intensity. The intensity of important conversations. The intensity of establishing boundaries aligned with our values. The intensity of having our blind spots revealed in our partner’s reflection. The intensity of holding space for another’s pain. The intensity of emotional vulnerability. The intensity of uncertainty. THE INTENSITY OF OUR OWN EMOTIONS. Show me how skillful and diligent you are at holding space for the full range of your internal reality, without denial, repression, or bypassing, and I will show you how ready you are to experience a relationship based on a healthy dynamic. If you haven’t learned how to be skillfully present to your own experience, you won’t be able to be there for another’s. If you can’t be present to the intensity of another’s experience, you’ll struggle to maintain a connection. But, when you HAVE cultivated this type of presence, a huge portion of what used to make relationships difficult is wiped away. Conflicts that would have threatened your relationships in the past are no longer as threatening, if they even happen at all. Hannah is not too intense. Her intensity is perfect for partnership. I am not too intense. My intensity is perfect for partnership. We are not too intense, because we have room for our own inner realities, and so we have room for each other. Are you ready to get a little bigger on the inside? I can help with that. Apply for a Chemistry Appointment |
